Life Lessons From my Mexican Mom

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EDINBURG, Tex. — My mom is very close minded. I don’t know where she got it from but I’m more than sure she passed it on to me. I can’t imagine same-sex marriages are happening. I know that’s something that might sound arrogant to some but to me, it’s who I am. And my mom’s helped mold me into a person that I don’t mind being: a close-minded one.

“You really think that?” Alex, my best friend, once asked me after I said I didn’t believe same-sex marriages should be legalized.

Oh, man. I didn’t want to get into that argument. So I ignored her question.

It’s not the first time I’ve ever said that. I know it might offend some. I’m even considering toning it down a notch as I’m writing. But I don’t know whether or not to restrict my freedom of speech or to proudly stand behind my opinion. Arrogant? I don’t think so. I think I’m more of a realist. Why else would a man have reproductive parts that only work with the woman’s reproductive parts? I don’t have a problem against gays or lesbians. I really don’t. I just believe marriage is strictly for a man and woman, like the Bible says.

But enough of that for now, let’s get back to where it all started.

I don’t know when it was the first time I saw a gay couple. All I know is that when my mom said something was wrong, I believed it.

“Quiero ser una famosa actriz,” I told my mom once when I was younger.

“No, las actrices solo viven una mentira, y la Biblia dice que las mentiras son malas,” she replied.

Way to crush my dreams, Mom. I just wanted to be as glamorous and gorgeous as Angelina Jolie or Thalia. But, if you say so. I stayed away from acting classes in high school and college.

At first, I thought it was like that for everyone. I was a first-generation Hispanic in my family; my parents and older brother and sisters were born in Mexico, and my youngest sister and I were born in Weslaco, Texas. I thought it was common for Mexican mothers to deny their kids from their own opinions, and maybe it is. But so far, none I’ve met (that haven’t been family) are so controlling of their kids’ opinions like my parents, especially my mother.

I don’t blame her for anything. In fact, I cherish the fact that my close-mindedness has flourished the way it has, and that I have enough facts and knowledge about my beliefs to protect myself from other people. But it still would have been nice to know what alcohol tastes like or what being a cheerleader in high school is like.

Her arguments then sounded very valid —alcohol is the worst thing you could possibly have in your system and cheerleaders are showing off their skin and young girls don’t do that. Now, I realize she could’ve used different explanations but I understand where she’s coming from. I’ve never had any alcohol in my system (except for a sip of wine cooler back in ninth grade) and I’ve never worn a cheerleader outfit. I’ve never celebrated Halloween, done drugs or considered dating a woman.

Most of her close-mindedness comes from her religion. A proud, but not perfect, member of the Assemblies of God church, my mother believes in everything the Bible says. I hate to admit that I’m not as devout to our religion as she is, but I know that if I keep holding on to its major principles (the Ten Commandments, Jesus son of God, etc.) I will be as strong as she one day.

I know most people in this day and age are not used to the “old school” beliefs that my mother possesses, but I’m more than proud to say I am, and I hope to instill my beliefs, and torture my kids with a million different reasons why they can’t dress up as Spongebob Squarepants for Halloween and go trick-or-treating with the neighbors. I’m one of the few people that will admit I hope to be like my mother one day, como mi madre mexicana.

10 thoughts on “Life Lessons From my Mexican Mom

  1. Sonia,
    First off let me commend you on your steadfast beliefs. In this day and age I find it a beautiful and refreshing thing when someone can stand up for what they believe in even if it goes against the grain.
    However, I think that before you criticize something like homosexuality or gay marriage you should not be closed-minded before you make up your mind. You need to understand what it is that you’re talking about.
    Yes we have reproductive organs and just because we’re gay doesn’t mean we’re sterile. They still work. You also say you don’t have a problem with gay people, yet you tell me I shouldn’t be allowed to get married.
    I respect completely what you are saying and would never want to take your freedom to say those things. It is not in my authority to tell you how to live your life. Why then do most people believe that they have the right to tell me how to live mine?
    -Robert

  2. Robert,
    Thank you so much for reading what I posted. And more importantly, thank you for giving me your feedback. I was hesitant at first posting this, but I realized it’s something that I believe, and whether or not that conflicts with your beliefs, they’re my own and thank you for respecting mine. I, too, respect yours. The way you live your life is not mine to criticize. Mainly, the point I was trying to get across by writing this blog was that my mother influenced me, my beliefs and my way of thinking. I do not know if that will end up haunting me or not, but I appreciate it. I didn’t mean to offend you or anyone else that comes across this, but I was simply expressing my opinion. I’m not sure if that last line was meant for me, but like you, I totally and most assuredly believe in a free country, where the people in it can live their lives free. Thanks a lot for reading 🙂
    Sonia

  3. Finally! A relevant, intelligent post about a subject that so much good judgment is missing. Thank you for sharing this artistic and intelligent commentary with the world. We definitely need lot of sense like you have shown here. I appreciate it very much 🙂

  4. How is it that you can so blatantly disregard the issue that you bring up and that Robert genuinely asks you to address? It’s all well and good that you “respect” someone else’s opinion about a given topic, but where does one get such pride to essentially say: “talk all you want, but I’m not really interested in considering any of it as worthy of discussion”?!

    It sounds eerily similar to all of those that say they are “okay” with Mexicans in the United States as long as they keep their culture hidden away and not displayed publicly. Well, thank you very much for approving of gay people. I’m sure it means a lot to them. (When, again, did they ask for permission from you to be themselves?)

    Sonia, for your own sake, I really hope you learn to deal with this sense of pride in your closed-mindedness (read: pride). To be proud of one’s heritage is one thing; but to claim this as a standard against which we judge all others is an entirely other (and threatening) proposition.

  5. From The California Leija’s,way to go,hermana! Old school morals are essential life reality’s no matter what anyone
    sez,even if gays think they are politically correct aliens.

  6. Wow, Sonia. I knew you had submitted this story, but had not yet read it. I can honestly say, it is one of the best things I have read on this Web site.
    I would just like to say that I also thought the same way a while back. My parents are to this day just like your mother. They were so religious, I couln’t cut my har, couldn’t have male friends, couldn’t wear pants, couldn’t celebrate Halloween and was forced to attend church every Sunday and Wednesday. In a way, I hate them for that, but realize they were just trying to do what they felt was best. To this day, they also believe that marriage is sacred, and only for men and women. To them, and anyone else, I ask, “Why?” After all, 50 percent end up in divorce. They also think gays, lesbians and bisexuals are freaks, weirdos. Well, I am bisexual, but they do not know. Since they are religious, will they accept me or disown me?
    Sonia, without a doubt, your mother must have done something right to have raised a great family like yours. I too used to think that I wanted to be like my mother, and in a way I do. I hope to one day give my family the kindness, the stength, the nurture and the love my mother showed me. However, my own thoughts and “open-mindedness” will give my children something more. Sonia, I would never ever tell you what to believe or how to think. But if you have been willing to sidetrack from some of the morals most Christians and conservative value, then have an open mind. I promise you, there is nothing wrong with it, and you will never have to give up who you are.

  7. Sonia,
    First off let me commend you on your steadfast beliefs. In this day and age I find it a beautiful and refreshing thing when someone can stand up for what they believe in even if it goes against the grain.
    However, I think that before you criticize something like homosexuality or gay marriage you should not be closed-minded before you make up your mind. You need to understand what it is that you’re talking about.
    Yes we have reproductive organs and just because we’re gay doesn’t mean we’re sterile. They still work. You also say you don’t have a problem with gay people, yet you tell me I shouldn’t be allowed to get married.
    I respect completely what you are saying and would never want to take your freedom to say those things. It is not in my authority to tell you how to live your life. Why then do most people believe that they have the right to tell me how to live mine?
    -Robert

  8. To finally address the issue that my friend YankeeValluco says I haven’t and Robert presented, I guess I have no problem with gay people. I’m sure gays, lesbians, bisexuals and trans-sexuals don’t have a problem with me being straight. However, this article wasn’t meant to be emphasized on ONLY that. In fact, this article was about me being influenced by my mother (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again-read: TITLE) and me practically being close-minded by association. Even so, I still feel the need to address the concern that YankeeValluco oh-so-blantantly brought up. Gay marriage is happening. Whether I like it or not. Whether I think it’s wrong or not. My opinion is irrelevant to others, so why express my reasoning for it? My beliefs are my own, influenced by the family I grew up in, not the culture, not the region and most definitely not the country. I’m not your average Mexican. I don’t do gritos in the middle of the street with a beer in my hand wearing a poncho on Cinco de Mayo. I don’t walk barefoot everywhere and I most certainly did not grow up Catholic, as almost all Mexicans did. I am very proud of being a Mexican, but I guess, seeing that some people took offense to my statements, I’ll admit I’m not a “traditional” Mexican, and don’t have the same mentality as those that are, do. I have gay friends, I have bisexual friends and I have trans-sexual friends, yet they all know how I feel about gay marriage. Now tell me, YankeeValluco, who’s being close-minded now: me, a person who will not retract their statement because “i’m ignorant” and don’t express the same beliefs as those around me, or you, the person reading a post about being influenced by their mother to think a certain way and criticizing them for thinking the way they want to? Last I checked, the First Amendment was still intact. Anyway, point being, being proud of who I am and what I think is what I will continue to do, even if my opinions aren’t well-received. That, my friend, is a true Mexican-one who won’t back down from what they strongly believe in.

  9. Hey babe, I just wanted to say that you wrote an awesome article. Stick to your beliefs and never change. 🙂

  10. What a shame! Your confusion is astounding. Please do not confuse old school mexican values with ignorance and intolerance. You do not speak for all Mexicanos, Chicanos, Raza, or whatever we choose to identify ourselves. I was raised by my old school mother and grandmother in California. We were raised in the church with a strong work ethic, keen sense of morality, but above all to love everyone the way god loves them. We have been in Oakland, CA since the 1920’s right in the heart of it all; during the Chicano/a movement, Black panther movement, American Indian Movement, Labor movements, civil rights movement, and GLBT movement. Progressive thought, higher education, tolerance, and open mindedness is the norm in the San Francisco Bay Area. If you are to think like this young lady in the Bay Area you will be shunned! I don’t care how old school you were raised, in the Bay Area it is the norm to have close friends from all ethnic back grounds, religions, socioeconomic background, and sexual orientations and it is accepted.

    Terrible…….Booooooo! I feel sorry for anyone who is closed minded, you are missing out on a world of opportunities and experiences. It is nothing to be proud of and please for god sake do not tell people it is because you come from old school mexican parents. That is a disrespect to all our jefes and ancestors. We are better human beings than that.

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